So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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