I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
