she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
