Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
