GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
