Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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