im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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