Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
