hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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