oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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