I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize