The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
