hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
