do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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