I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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