carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
