I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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