Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
