I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
