maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
