i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
