Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
