dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
