I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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