Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
