Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
