I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
