All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
