No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
