My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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