I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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