no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
