reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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