My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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