I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
