I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
