when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
