i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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