Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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