I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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