I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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