My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
