wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize