Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
