I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
