I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
