WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize