i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My balls are so social today.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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