i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
