i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
