I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I understand Curling. That high.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
