YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
