I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
