how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Everything about him screamed your future.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
