My balls are so social today.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize