I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
