chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize