your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
