You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
