I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found the puke drawer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
